Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and American Civil War veteran. His book The Devil's Dictionary was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration. His story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" has been described as "one of the most famous and frequently anthologized stories in American literature", and his book Tales of Soldiers and Civilians was named by the Grolier Club as one of the 100 most influential American books printed before 1900.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Quotes Page 58
PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.
Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.
WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.
HARANGUE, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue-outang.
INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.
HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains.