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Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and American Civil War veteran. His book The Devil's Dictionary was named as one of "The 100 Greatest Masterpieces of American Literature" by the American Revolution Bicentennial Administration. His story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" has been described as "one of the most famous and frequently anthologized stories in American literature", and his book Tales of Soldiers and Civilians was named by the Grolier Club as one of the 100 most influential American books printed before 1900.
Reference: Wikipedia
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Quotes Page 7
INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
RESPLENDENT, adj. Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade.
AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian ... handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.
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